Tropicana's 2008 Music List

2008 was a pretty good year for fans of indie rock, folk, weirdo shit and “world” music alike. Diversity seemed to be everywhere, and a wind of change was certainly in the air (and on the airwaves) as we elected the first African-American President. But it was better year for veteran artists like Nick Cave, Elvis Costello and the Cure, as they released some of their best material in nearly two decades. My list of what I would consider the best music of 2008 doesn’t conform to the rock critics’ genre of a “Top Ten.” In fact, I’m hard pressed to even whittle it down to something manageable or rank them in some kind of order.

Jesus Pagan y su Orquesta “Salsa de la Mata”
Before I heard Pagan’s “from the roots” salsa music, I caught him playing live at the launch of his latest cd in Holyoke, Mass. It was possibly the best live show I’ve witnessed in years. This cd is my constant companion.



The Felice Brothers
“Bang, bang, bang, goes Frankie’s gun.” These upstate New York “brothers” are storytellers of tales I like: murder-for-hire, con-men, spies, whores and fucked up relations.



Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip “Angles”
“Thou Shalt Always Kill” is hands down the best single of the year.



Unkle “End Titles…Music for Films”
Having launched their career as the thinking man’s Chemical Brothers, Unkle have moved away from groove-oriented music, to well-sculpted imaginary movie scores blending, rock and old-school trip-hop seamlessly.



Grupo Fantasma “Sonidos Gold”
One the best live shows I’ve seen all year, it’s Latino soul music redux.



Ryan Adams and the Cardinals “Cardinology”
Despite his factoryesque approach to churning out music, Adams never writes clunkers.



My Morning Jacket “Evil Urges”
Fans were disappointed that MMJ continued to be wildly unpredictable—I rejoiced. Not a dull moment.



The Cure “4:13 Dream”
I had stopped giving a shit about Robert Smith, and along came this return to their glory days. Completely uncontrived and accidental, Smith scores big here.




Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds “Dig, Lazarus, Dig!”
Like the Cure, Cave had become irrelevant and a bore, but after the release of his side project, Grinderman, Cave had enough juice left over to produce this masterpiece. Lyrically wicked, with melodies that are straightforward and oddly textured, this cd is a must.



Elvis Costello and the Impostors “Momofuko”
Ditto.



Why? “Alopecia”
Smart, clever, whimisical; adjectives do no justice to describe these Californians.



T.V. On the Radio “Dear Science”
Better than their last release, “Return to Cookie Mountain,” this band’s lyrics are literate and sometimes oblique.



James Hunter “The Hard Way”
Old-fashioned soul that never goes out of style.



Eli “Paperboy” Reed “Roll With You”
The new kid on the block doing old-school soul gets it right.



Tim Gearan “No Remedy”
Anchored in Somerville, Mass, Tim can only be caught in the Cambridge area plying his rootsy Americana sound.



Winterpills “Central Chambers”
Northampton, Mass based band explores new levels of atmosphere and texture to create a perfect storm.



Fleet Foxes
Sure, everybody has them on their list. Tight harmonies and hybrid Appalachian music are an irresistible combo.



Sonya Kitchell “This Storm”
This little girl from Ashfield, Mass is all grown up and a serious contender for Feist's throne.



Ron Sexsmith “Exit Strategy of the Soul”
Nobody does humility like Ron. Always consistent and engaging, Sexsmith should be a god.



Conor Oberst
Enough said. Oberst is a genius.




She and Him “Volume One”
Oh Zooey D.! How I love thee. M. Ward and the actress team up to make some of the best music of their careers.



Underworld “Oblivion the Bells”
Still the pioneers in electronica...still relevant. Inscrutable lyrics + minimal grooves=oxygen bar.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Lloyd Cole.

Readers of this blog are familiar with Lloyd Cole. The English singer-songwriter had hits on the modern rock charts in the ‘80s, and inspired a whole new generation of musicians such as Belle and Sebastian, Camera Obscura, and Stars. He appears on the indie super-group Gramercy Arms' recently released debut recording. Quietly living in Western Massachusetts, Cole continues to perform and record superb music. Cole was gracious enough to take time out to answer some questions I had for him about the usual stuff—good places to eat and what he’s reading these days.



Renaissance Man



CT: Your lyrics have always been literate and character driven. Who do you read these days for pleasure? Out of necessity, or for comfort?

LC: I read all sorts of things. I have a monthly gig for ABC Radio in Australia called Lloyd's Library where I talk about what I've read that month. It’s great as I get paid (very little), and more importantly, it keeps me reading.

Recently I’ve read Dickens’ Hard Times (how great is that book?), and A Tale of Two Cities–ditto. I had never read Dickens before and I'm now a convert.

Various essays by Clive James: Equally enlightening, erudite and annoyingly self important,

Charles Portis’ The Dog of the South: I cannot recommend it highly enough. Great dialogue on par with Chandler but quirkier, he wrote True Grit as well and I'll read that soon.

Harold Robbins! His biography which was a hoot and the first 200 pages of The Carpetbaggers : a sex scene every 17 pages! Actually it is quite well done for what it is, and his bio suggests that it was all down hill from then! Still, 200 pages are enough for you to get the picture (there's internet porn these days if that's what you're after….)

I read quite a bit of golf writing, mainly focusing on architecture. Bernard Darwin (the grandson) is a big favorite to read.

CT: What's the genesis of your writing for publications?

LC: I'd like to be a part-time musician when I'm 55. I can't afford to just quit.

CT: You're an avid golfer with a fairly decent ranking, is it true that you're tied with Alice Cooper?

LC: I was. A knee injury hasn't helped my game since that list came out.

CT: J. Mascis from Dinosaur Jr. is a golf nut. Has anyone suggested pairing you two up? I think he plays at Cherry Hill in Amherst.

LC: We finally met at a mutual friend's birthday party—it isn't going to happen.

CT: You’re a bit of a gourmand, any particular ethnic or regional flavors appeal to you most? Do you have any favorite spots in Western MA that you would recommend?

LC: In Northampton, the best food is at Amanouz, the Moroccan place. Great Wall in Florence does good dim sum on Saturdays. Pintu's in West Springfield is the closest we have to a good Indian.

(Note to Amanouz—pay up!)

Life in Western MA

CT: You lived for a period of time in the Valley prior to residing in Easthampton, right?

LC: A few years in Northampton.

CT: What drew you to Western MA in the first place?

LC: Indecision. Fear of being too far from NYC, fear of being too close. We also had some friends near here. Wife wanted a climate with seasons—be careful what you ask for, I say.

CT: What do you like the most and least about small town living?

LC: I like the people around here, mostly. I like my local bar, local golf clubs. I miss the really good food you get in the big cities, but I no longer miss the cities.

CT: What are your impressions of Easthampton?

LC: It's on the up and up. I hope that is a good thing. It doesn't rate itself like Northampton does and that is a good thing. The schools are really improving quickly and are not resting on their laurels. Downtown seems just a few years away from being really vibrant, but if our neighbor is anything to go by, I hope we don't change too much.

CT: While Western MA is not exactly Mecca for musicians or performers, it has its fair share (Martin Sexton, Mark Mulcahy, Chris Collingwood, Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon, J. Mascis, Cyril Neville, and Robin Lane to name a few). Do you feel a sense of a musical community? Or is that a presumption of a wishful music fan? Or does it even matter to you?

LC: No, no. But I have met some musicians I like very much as people—and that makes a change. I am a big Lonesome Brothers fan.

CT: Has your move to Western MA been helpful or a hindrance creatively and financially to your career?

LC: I have less overhead than I had in the city—that can't hurt.

Life After the Music Biz

CT: How do you see yourself in relation to where you once where, say twenty years ago to now?

LC: I was never doing as well I as felt I was, or was told that I was. I never managed to create any financial stability. But I drew bigger crowds and people played my music and wrote about me more often, that's for sure. Musically—I don't think I started to have a real clue as to what it is that I do until Love Story and by then, commercially, it was too late. I'm very pleased with most of the records I've made, the first one and the last two especially.

CT: If tomorrow you decided you were through with being a singer-songwriter, is there anything you could segue into?

LC: Webmaster?

Ranking your Output

CT: What are the elements for a perfect pop tune?

LC: Rhythm, melody and the words not getting in the way of those two. If the words can add something, then great.

CT: Which of your recordings are most important to you, and why?

LC: The first of each period. Rattlesnakes. Lloyd Cole. Music In A Foreign Language. Because I was at points when I wasn't sure if I could do something, for the first time, or anymore. But I had an idea of something I thought would be cool and it came out pretty well all three times . . . I think.



CT: Are there any of your recordings that you just can't listen to, and why?

LC: Minor Character. Bad words, or more to the point—words which get in the way of the song, awful singing, with pretty poor production to boot.

All the long play outs on Mainstream—I'm not a soul singer and someone should have told me.



Fall Together—self righteous, moi? I never thought I'd fall into that trap, but I sound awfully superior on much of Bad Vibes.



This is a shame because “wrote the sequel to the bible/ bought the rights to the original sin” ought to be in a good song.

Fellow Musicians

CT: After the Commotions disbanded you moved to NYC and you played with some major talent. You swiped two-thirds of Lou Reed's touring band and a member of the Golden Palominos before his solo career broke. Later on, you played with Jill Sobule and Dave Derby from the criminally under-rated Dambuilders. How did that trifecta of Robert Quine, Fred Maher and Matthew Sweet come about?

LC: I met Fred and they were his pals.

CT: If you could put together a dream band today, who would be the players?

LC: The Beatles would be fine.

CT: When I was teenager I dreamt up a super-group involving you, Lawrence from the Scottish band Felt, Pat Fish of the Jazz Butcher, and Paddy McAloon from Prefab Sprout—how wrong was I?

LC: There would have been fights—Paddy and I in the one corner, and the lightweights in the other. I must say, though, I heard a track by Denim about the ‘80s which I thought was great.




Misc.

CT: You seem to tour Portugal and Spain quite a bit, and yet keep a low profile in the States. Is your fan base there (or Europe in general) more receptive to Lloyd Cole the solo singer-songwriter?

LC: The Commotions were huge in Portugal for a minute. I'm still treated nicely and as the euro trounces the dollar, it's hard to turn down offers over there. Are they more receptive, though? The people who come to my shows—no.

CT: What is your interest in fado music? I think I read somewhere that you were a fan of the genre.

LC: I'm not a connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination and I don't speak Portuguese beyond “hello” and “beer,” but it is a lovely genre and very strict in its arrangements, which I like. I prefer women singing it—Amália Rodrigues (the most famous one) being mine and everyone else's favorite.

My People Aren't Pretty

Admittedly, “Tropicana” doesn’t strike anyone as a Polish-sounding last name. Well, that is correct. It’s not even a real name. So when the opportunity presents itself to mingle with the people of my origin, Poles, I do so with some regret. We are not pretty people—as compared to Scandinavians, Brazilians or some of our Slavic counterparts.




This was apparent at a recent Polish festival in Easthampton. Try as I may to find some really pretty women or handsome men in this crowd of overweight, slightly off and confusingly smelly folk, I came up empty.





I don’t fancy myself as blessed with aesthetically fly looks, but I’m not without certain charms.





While my hapless brethren “danced” to polka music, chowed down on Polish delicacies watered down by years of shaky memories and spent hundreds of dollars at games of chance, I shot photos.

Village Hill/Kollmorgen project presents a design challenge to gateway

An old friend of mine, Ben Spencer, who's been a consistent voice of reason and a resident of the Hospital Hill area of Northampton has been making the media rounds this week (June 5th on WHMP and June 7th in the Hampshire Gazette) regarding the recent developments concerning the Village Hill project development in Northampton. The following is the complete reprint of his Op-Ed piece in the June 7th issue of the Hampshire Gazette. I'm lazy like any journalist. I felt Ben's words were more important than any of my paraphrasing.

On Thursday, May 22, I attended the meeting in the City Hall Council Chambers where the Citizens Advisory Committee unanimously approved the changes to the master plan for development of the former Northampton State Hospital now known as Village Hill Northampton.

By the time I left, I was both optimistic for the future of the site and at the same time concerned about what that future might look like. What was made very clear at the meeting was the fact that Kollmorgen wants to stay in Northampton and that the city of Northampton, as represented by the CAC and the Chamber of Commerce, wants to keep them here. Much praise was given the fact that Kollmorgen is our fifth largest employer and our largest "for profit" employer in town. I have every confidence that Kollmorgen is a good corporate citizen. I am certain Kollmorgen wants to stay in Northampton for the same reasons I do. This is a special place to live and work.

The master plan for Village Hill Northampton has been changed several times over the past eight years that I've been attending meetings. The overall vision has always been to create a vibrant neighborhood that included apartments and homes for people of various incomes, business offices, light industry and some retail. Mass Development's Web site for the project (www.villagehillnorthampton.com) states that "Village Hill Northampton is a spectacular location complete with walking trails, panoramic views and hundreds of mature specimen trees. Natural beauty and outdoor recreation abound." The Web site also mentions that the village is a short walk to downtown Northampton and "minutes from major highways." All of this is true and the fact of the matter is that the location Kollmorgen will be occupying is one of the most spectacular pieces of property in the Pioneer Valley.

The CAC. approved changing the master plan to allow Kollmorgen to build a 150,000-square-foot facility and a 450-car parking lot on this property. The revised master plan that was distributed at the meeting makes it clear that this facility will be a significant element in the landscape and will set the tone for the entire Village Hill. Indeed, it is the gateway to the Village. Mass Developers stressed at the meeting that the new master plan (which was dated the day of the meeting) was intended to convey the proposed change to the scope of the project and not the final design of the Kollmorgen facility.

Because of the unique and significant location that Kollmorgen will occupy, I would urge everyone involved in the Village Hill project to fully appreciate the opportunity that is presented here. The new Kollmorgen facility will be highly visible from all directions and needs to be architecturally attractive. The parking lots could be distributed around the facility to diminish their visual presence. The three buildings on Prince Street (Route 66) that had been part of the previous plan should be retained since they would serve to balance the scale of the Kollmorgen facility. Kollmorgen would be the "anchor" for a diverse business community that would occupy these buildings. This would allow for more businesses to be a part of Village Hill and would increase the opportunities for people to both live and work in the Village.

Creating pedestrian access between the upper and lower portion of the south campus and connecting it directly to the bike path now under construction would allow the employees and residents of Village Hill to walk into downtown Northampton on an efficient and what I'm sure will be a beautiful path. Preserving the groves of mature trees will help the site retain its natural assets, will help break up the views of the new Kollmorgen facility and will provide appropriate scale in the landscape. Continuing the bike path shown on the new master plan along the periphery of the hilltop to the sidewalk on Prince Street would give everyone in our community an opportunity to enjoy the magnificent views of the Mill River, Mount Tom and the Holyoke Range.

There is every reason for this project to move ahead. I would respectfully ask that everyone involved keep the project heading in the direction of excellence and remember the longstanding plan to create a thriving and vital Village on the Hill. The work that has begun and been done on the north campus is heartening. Walking on Olander Drive and Moser Street as construction continues is an exciting experience. The possibility to create something exceptional is clearly visible. I would encourage everyone to come and visit Village Hill as it continues its transformation.

Kollmorgen has chosen the Village Hill site for their new facility over the Northampton Industrial Park and has determined that there is no other site in town that can accommodate their growing needs. Kollmorgen's new facility will be a part of the landscape for many years to come. There is every reason to build this facility to very high standards so that it is an asset to the Village Hill neighborhood. The new master plan of May 22 displayed a design that neglected the exceptional location and burdened the area with an uninspired building hidden behind a wall of freshly planted trees and abutted by an acre of cars. Let us look to the future and visualize a plan that maximizes the potential of the site. The new Kollmorgen facility needs to be a state-of -the-art, architecturally interesting, environmentally sensible building set in the landscape in a way that maximizes every view. I am certain that Kollmorgen will work with the city of Northampton and the developers of Village Hill to design a plan that will be on the leading edge of intelligent design and that together we can create a solution that reflects positively on the company and the city.

What happens on the hill will affect the neighborhood, the city and the area. People standing on the deck of the Summit House at J.A. Skinner State Park will be able to see the Kollmorgen facility clearly with the naked eye. I would urge everyone to visit these Web sites: www.villagehillnorthampton.com, www.kollmorgen.com, www.calzoni.com (a subsidiary of Kollmorgen), www.arrowstreet.com and www.mass.gov/dcr/parks/skinner. All of these sites are excellent and informative and have helped me get a better understanding of the Village Hill Northampton project.

If you wanted to know, Benjamin Spencer is an artist who lives in Northampton.

Goodnight Buddy Rubbish

Perhaps I'm too sentimental, or overly emotional, in either event it's taken me this long to say goodnight to Lou Roscher aka "Buddy Rubbish." Longtime DJ and personality in the Pioneer Valley, "Buddy" was someone whom you either loved or hated. I had mixed emotions. On one hand, he was the embodiment of the radio theater that I loved, and on another level, I hated his enthusiasm for sports. He kept me company on lonely Friday evenings on Memory Lane , an oldies show on WRSI in Greenfield. He pissed me off when he moved to WRNX for the morning drive and his show sucked because of their playlist. Through it all, I saw the genius that was Buddy. He did radio the way it was meant to be, personable, innovative and smart. He passed on April 11th of this year. I just want to salute him tonight and thank him for making commercial radio acceptable and interesting. WRSI paid tribute to him tonight. Johnny Memphis and Leo T. Baldwin did a great job that I'm sure Buddy would've approved. Remember me Buddy, I once threw an f-bomb at you at a "Transperformance" show in Florence.

"Pierogy Fest," or how I survived Jimmy Sturr

It’s hard to believe that nothing significant has happened up until this weekend in the Valley since the last entry. (Oh sure, there have been court appearances by Jack Robison, the death of radio personality Buddy Rubbish and the first asparagus crop.) But nothing beats the “Pierogy Festival” that starred Jimmy Sturr and His Orchestra along with Eddie Forman and His Orchestra (how about calling your band “And His Orchestra”?) this past weekend at the Elks Lodge in West Springfield. Sponsored by “Mrs. T’s Pierogis” (as in “terrible”), this festival celebrating polka’s excesses: terrible food, cheap draft beer and old people hopping around in circles was the entertainment highlight of this spring.

Indeed

You have not lived till you have experienced this genre of music at its best—live. Not necessarily the music either, but rather the fan base—the really old fan base. Dancing to polka music is the real show, whether the couples are hopping around in circles, or holding onto each for life. Within that spectrum there are many variations on the polka dance.

Better than "Dancing with the Celebrities"

Both bands have hard-core fans and their own tribal dances which are bewildering and entertaining.

What you would call a "polka slut"

Jimmy Sturr constantly touted his Grammy wins and collaborations with Willie Nelson (leading up to my confrontation with him, when I asked if he smoked weed with the Willie, he smiled and pretended to punch me in the mouth!), and Eddie Forman worked the crowd with regional ties and dance moves all to his following.

Let us not forget that I was lured to this event with the singular pursuit of pierogis, and it was advertised as a “Pierogy Fest.”

This was yucky!

In fact, the “Mrs. T’s Pierogis” sponsored fest was a complete letdown and false advertisement. Anyone who has supped on these atrocious doughy pieces of shit will attest to the fact—these are not edible. Neither was the kielbasa or sauerkraut or hamburgers offered. But, thank you to all the colorful folks and the polka slut for making this event worthwhile!

No, you look me in the eye! Or, "how can we make better biodiesel if we don't blow up a Jewish flag?"

A little late than never, but this story appeared last week (4/8/08) on Masslive.com.

NORTHAMPTON - A teenager accused of making explosive materials and blowing up a flag pleaded innocent to all charges today.

John E. Robison Jr., 17, of 23 Dartmouth St., South Hadley, was arraigned in Hampshire Superior Court this afternoon on three counts of malicious explosion and one count of willful placing of explosives near property. Robison was released on his own recognizance.

At the request of assistant Northwestern District Attorney Alice E. Perry, Judge Judd J. Carhart ruled that as a condition of Robison's release, he must not possess any chemicals, report to a probation officer by phone once a week and must live with his father, John Elder Robison of Amherst.

Robison's legal saga will resume on May 20, when an out-of-court pretrial conference has been scheduled. A pretrial hearing will then be held in court on June 26.

During the arraignment, Perry said Robison videotaped himself blowing up a flag using chemicals he mixed at the South Hadley home owned by his mother, Mary L. Robison. Perry also said the chemicals discovered there included some of the same ones used in the fatal London subway bombings in July 2005 and possessed by Richard Reid, the so-called "Shoe Bomber" who unsuccessfully tried to blow up an airliner in December 2001.

John Robison's lawyer, David P. Hoose of Springfield, said in court he was unaware of the accusation against his client of possessing such deadly materials.

"This is the first I've heard of anything," Hoose said, adding, "This kid doesn't have a malicious bone in his body."

After the arraignment, Hoose added that Robison did not blow up a flag, but declined to elaborate. "When the proof is done, you'll see it wasn't a flag at all," Hoose said.

State and federal authorities raided the South Hadley home on Feb. 15 and discovered John Robison's home laboratory. Officials from the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, the Massachusetts Fire and Explosion Investigation Unit, and the state hazardous materials response team removed chemicals from the laboratory and exploded them at the town landfill.

A portion of Dartmouth Street was closed for three days as officials entered and exited the home. South Hadley Fire District 1 Fire Chief William J. Judd hopes to recover the $17,619 his department spent on the incident. Labor alone has been placed at $8,844.

In addition, Judd has said he has seen footage on the Internet site YouTube of the local teenager detonating explosives near high-tension wires, but the video was later pulled from the Web site.

The interesting thing about this story is the synergy swirling around this family. Let's review: John Robison Jr., son of author John Elder Robison, nephew of author Augusten Burroughs, who's new book "A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir of My Father" is perhaps the most compelling of his "stories" thus far. It seems the Robison boys are hard-wired for eccentricity and non-traditional exploits.

In the interest of fairness, I believe all the flag blowing-up business is nonsense and that David Hoose will brilliantly defend his client (my lady-friend and I called it!).

Keeping up with the Robison's

“Oh honey, the cops are at the Robison’s again.”
“Geez, is it that freak son of theirs? What’s he done now?”
“Christ, who knows? Oh geez, the bomb squad just pulled up.”

Sound familiar? Only if you live in South Hadley and just happen to live next door to John Elder Robison’s son, Jack Robison. John, the brother of famed memorist Augusten Burroughs, and himself a memorist (“Look Me In The Eye”), recently had a crappy weekend. You wouldn’t know it though by his recent posting on his blog:

I bought my first house in 1979, to celebrate the end of the KISS Dynasty tour, and my getting a real job. I lived in that house for over 16 years through several changes of career, acquisition of a wife, creation of a kid, and all manner of ups and downs.

When I got divorced and moved, I left many things behind, thinking I’d go back and get them one day. My ex-wife remained in the house; she’s still there now. Time passed and “one day” never came for all the other stuff I left behind. This weekend, thanks to Cubby, it arrived. I found myself unexpectedly cleaning up the basement and I found these gems from my past.
jerobison.blogspot.com

The “Cubby” he refers to is his son, Jack. The back story to John’s post is this from the Daily Hampshire Gazette (2/19/08):

Jack Robison impressed experts with his knowledge of chemistry and his love of science, officials said. They would have been even more impressed, however, if they hadn't been called to the 17-year-old's 23 Dartmouth St. home to investigate why loads of hazardous chemicals purchased on the Internet were being stockpiled.
'He's a very intelligent kid,' Fire District 1 Chief Bill Judd said Monday. 'He just needs to apply his goodness to other things.'

Last Friday, a small army of state and local emergency officials converged on the quiet residential neighborhood in search of vats of hazardous mixed chemicals stockpiled by Robison.

Authorities with the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms and the State Police Fire and Explosion Investigation Unit responded to the home.
After a busy weekend of investigation that included some house evacuations, the neighborhood is returning to normal.

Judd, the first chief, said he understands Robison is involved with Boy Scouts and had dropped out of high school because he was bored. Robison attends Holyoke Community College, he said. 'I think what he did was wrong,' Judd said. 'But I do think he learned his lesson.'

Board of Health officials on Saturday ordered the home condemned. Judd said the order, posted on the door of the home of anthropologist Mary Robison and her son Jack, stated the dwelling was not habitable because of hazards to health and safety.
The order was made because the house had no heat or hot water - which had to be shut off during the investigation, Judd said. Clutter was also a factor. The family is now back in the home on the condition that they clean up the clutter and that no more chemicals are stored.'The neighborhood is back to normal now,' said Judd. Officials said the student will not be charged by local police with any offenses. Selectmen did not return calls for comment Monday, nor did members of the Robison family.

I love this family. I can't get enough of them.

R. I. P Leonard J. "Bunky" Collamore, Creator of "As Schools Match Wits"

Leonard J. "Bunky" Collamore has died at age 76. He was born in Holyoke on March 18, 1931.

He became chief of staff to Mayor Charles V. Ryan from 1961-67 in his first administration. Collamore, a lifelong Democrat, also served on the Springfield City Council for 12 years and was president and acting mayor in 1970 and served 18 years as a Hampden County commissioner and numerous years as chairman.

Leonard also wrote a book in 1978 called "The Quiz Game." He was a founding professor at Springfield Technical Community College for over 30 years teaching European history and Western civilization. He retired from S.T.C.C. with the title of professor emeritus and then served many years as an adjunct professor.

Leonard was the president of S.T.C.C. from 1981-83. He was the founding member of the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame Peach Basket Festival Tip-Off Classic and was the creator, producer and judge of the award-winning high school quiz show "As Schools Match Wits" on Channel 22, which was the longest-running quiz show program in the history of television. Leonard was also the head writer for the show for over 25 years. He was known as a history expert on Christopher Columbus discoveries around the world.

Excerpted from the Hampshire Gazette, February 4, 2008.

Anyone with the nickname, "Bunky," is cool with me.

Classroom Confidential

I used to work at a college. English teacher. I was really pretty good. Anyhow my beautiful fiancé began sleeping with students. One was called Mike. I’m not into the whole “Well, there’s too much of a power difference involved” saying of folks who disagree with faculty-student intimacies. But funnily enough she married a guy who also screwed his students. It is so, so, so tempting to ask them which of their students was the father or mother of their kids. Screwing your students is tempting, yes, but ultimately tacky.

Is it tacky on the students’ part? Nope. I know more about grades than anyone alive. And if you have sex with your prof (good sex) you are going to get a better grade. And even if you don’t, if we like you, you’re going to get a better grade.

So, should you sleep with your prof? My instinct says no. But if you want to…hey!

I’ve had many, many, many opportunities to have sex with students in my thirty-six semesters teaching at the college level. Once in snowstorm. Many times in my office. Once on the auditorium stage! Etcetera. Tempting as these opportunities were, I couldn’t bring myself to screw my students. It’s not illegal. They are after all adults. Hell, Ted Hughes did it! Why not me? Because I have a respect for the teacher-student relationship. I just didn’t do it. It’s tacky. And I don’t like tacky. Ya, ya, ya. I know I sound like the goddamn Pope.

But if you do want to sleep with your prof here’s what to do. It’s called the SLANT-V method. Incidentally, (screwing or not) this will probably raise your grade as well give you a better grip on the material. Trust me. S: sit up front, smile. L: lean forward like everything he/she says is gospel and deserving of apostolic attention. A: ask questions! Show up smiling in your front row seat with one or two questions from the reading. If you can, do outside reading—especially any articles or books published by your prof. This is important. Teachers are show offs. And professors are big show offs. So am I. They know more about their subject than you ever will. Most of them will love questions about their subject. N: nod like all is making wonderful, wonderful sense. T: track. Teachers tend to walk back and forth, so keep your eyes on the woman or man and make eye contact (nodding and smiling) when you can. V: visit them during their office hours. I can’t stress this one enough! Very few profs have students take advantage (no pun intended) of office hours.

Should you slide into the prof’s office wearing tight clothing and (if a woman) loads of makeup like they do in the movies? Nope. Just follow the above advice. And show up with a few questions about your work and his or her work. This is a perfect time to ask clarifying questions about the material and make sure the prof can match the name on the roster to the face of this bright, diligent and really quite attractive and sexy student.

Colleges (including our five) frown on faculty-student screwing. I believe that’s good policy. However, many of my colleagues disagree. And some of the folks I went to college with have various opinions.

One of them, Ben, spoke of a Umass math prof who was “banging” a student and eventually married her! But Ben added that “[professor-student sex] smells like taking advantage of inherent inequalities in realms of age, maturity, power etc, even if it isn't clearly across the line vis-a-vis legality,” Ben adds that “she [the student] was the aggressor. Started actual banging the prof after semester ended, though they were heading there during.” This is an important point. More potential ethical and legal headaches for school and professor will arise if the banging happens while the student is still in the course—or, even, still in the school.

Another Umass alum, “Kelley”, now a high school teacher, believes of teacher-student sex that “it's a bad scenario for the person who doesn't have the power in the situation (usually the *younger* girl.) The adult in the situation should know better and not react to such temptation.”

Power. We teachers do have it. Some of us abuse it. Think of the cutest teacher you ever had a crush on. The one you think must have clawed her way out of the cover of Hustler or whatever the boy version is. Why didn’t you have sex with him or her? Why? Because it’s probably a bad idea. One very little known (and very little) power of even the lowliest college instructors is that we can change the grades given whenever we want. Granted, only a petty scrub would do that because of a fling that turned bad; however, it’s still something to think about.

But if you really, really want, need, have to get with your prof…go for it…preferably after the course is done.


john frances has been teaching college courses since 1993 at four different colleges including UMass-Amherst. He's published and presented on issues relating to composition, gender, and education.